THE MIND OF A CROOKED TEENAGER

WHAT A DAY

As a boy; I think, it’s important that I set my goals. I need to know what comes first and what comes last in my life.

First, I will put my God first.  I intend to be more spiritual and fear and respect God. I will do my best to obey his commandments and just be good to humanity.

My family (papa, mama and my young sister) will come in second. The make my world.

Then my education, as a 9^th grader student. I am told I need to give my best in my academics. I have been lazy and I have  not been giving the best in my studies. I have decided to give it 100% to realize my full potential.

Last, I will cultivate good relationship with my friends, I want to keep good friends who will not  lead me astray.

My mind  is not pure , some time am distracted  by negative thoughts.

My major destructor is girls. I am so overwhelmed by this thought that am left tired and restlessness.

I was talking to one of my teachers about this issue and he told me that, I must have some mental exercises to help me overcome this particular thought. Later own I may share with you some of the mental exercise I was told/given by my teacher.

The other negative thought I have, is the urge to destroy, harm or kill myself.

I have been rejected so many times, that I sometime start blaming my parents for having brought me into this world. But I never get answers to my many questions.

I am a crooked teenager , I never think straight , am an introvert ,I some time  hate  my parents and my small sister.

But all these negative feelings will never stop me from achieving my goals.

I know regardless of how people perceive and think about me, I will prove them wrong.

I have a low self esteem. I know I was not born with this feeling, but it has been implanted into my mind by those who have been talking negative things about me.

I have been regarded as a loser by my parents, friends and classmates.

In my junior school, I was seen and looked at as a person who could not do well in sports and academic. I have been blamed over things I did not do.  I have been bulled, abused and called all sorts of names.

At home where I thought I could get solace / peace, it has turned into a small hell on earth.

But all these will not stop me from achieving my goals. I will overcome all the negative issues in my life and make lemonade out of lemon.

My parents are so spiritual they attend religious functions faithfully every Sunday and sometime on Saturday. They pray every day. Indeed, they have a special room , where  they take their prayers  and meditations.

Matters spiritual are not to be compromised. ‘You must obey the God’s teaching’, my dad tells me. I have been made a slave of this route, which must be done religiously without any complain.

I think, matters religious, one should not be forced into them.

I will be an obedient student until a time, when I will make my own decision. I will not be rude or disobey my parents.

My parents have always been there for me. They  have cared  and protected me well. They have fed me and clothed me. They have taken me to their spiritual centers for prayer and to hospital when am sick.

The only area , where they have not performed satisfactorily , is in the area of my personal growth. They have lowered my self confidence. I do not have self esteem. Am never proud of myself. I feel am not made of first class material. Rather am a second rate fellow. This has been brought about by the teasing and being down graded by the people around me. They have always wondered why I can not perform   well in academic and sports. They think am lazy. They wrongly compare me , with my cousins who are doing so well in both sports  and academic…………………………………

Talk later